The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
