Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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