When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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