nut hugger
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
