He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
