that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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