Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
