My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
