So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
