i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
