Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
