Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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