Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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