once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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