I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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