If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
