I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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