I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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