Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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