Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My first STD was from a foam party
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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