Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
