there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
