hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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