Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
