who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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