she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
