Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
