this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
