you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
