Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
