i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
