I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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