Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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