i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
