you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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