is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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