They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
