it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
