I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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