dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
