loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
