I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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