Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
bring money and cleavage
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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