It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
