After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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