Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
