her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
