Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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