so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
