I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
